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David Cameron Loses the debate on Europe

What has the European Union ever done for us?




David Cameron: They've bled us white, the bastards. And what have they ever given us in return?

Nick Clegg: The single market. There are no tariffs on UK products sold in Europe you know.

David Cameron: Oh yeah, yeah they gave us that. Yeah. That's true.

Gordon Brown: And they've got rid of borders in Europe. We can work and live wherever we like in any European country. No problem.

Nick Clegg:Oh yes... movement within Europe, Reg, you remember what the travel used to be like. Take out your passport. Why are you here?

David Cameron: All right, I'll grant you the single market and free travel are two things that Europe has done...

Nick Clegg: And the great European food. Italian, French, Spanish. Luvely. Where would Jaimie Oliver be?

David Cameron:(sharply) Well yes obviously the food... the food goes without saying. No one wants to go back to what we had before. But apart from the single market, free travel, and better food ...

Gordon Brown: Joint action and cooperation on the environment, security, poverty, finance human rights. It's hard to get things done on our own you know. We're just a little island.

Nick Clegg: Don't forget Judicial cooperation and access to social security and health in other European countries...

David Cameron: Yes... all right, fair enough...

Nick Clegg: And the wine. Mmmm. I love French wine. Rioja is very good too.

Gordon Brown: Oh yes! True! How about Belgian beer.

Nick Clegg: Yeah. That's something we'd really miss if we left the EU, David.

Gordon Brown: More jobs! 3.5 million depend on the EU!

Nick Clegg: Monetary stability.

Gordon Brown: Greater worker protection. Not up your street David, but hard to argue against. More attention paid to human rights. European wide consumer protection, joint research projects. The Hadron Collider, Airbus.

David Cameron: All right... all right... but apart from the single market, the freedom to live and work anywhere in Europe, good food and wine, joint action on the environment security, judicial matters, social security and health cover abroad, many more jobs, better consumer protection joint research projects and more attention being paid to human rights, what has the European Union ever done for us.

Nick Clegg: Brought peace! Don't forget we had two world wars start in Europe. Now we are all getting along much better, more or less.

David Cameron: (very angry, he's not having a good debate at all) What!? Oh... (scornfully) Peace, yes... rubbish!

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