Donkeyshott & Xuitlacoche

I thought I’d just write down my rather muddled thoughts on “what if and when and how..” I’m not really doing a turn-around from our discussions about the possibility of London, it was just kite-flying really, and now each time I try to visualize how the end is going to unfold I find I can’t! And I find it actually very difficult to imagine at what point we would pack up and go to London and what we’d do once we’re there. It all boils down to: will I linger or will the end be quite fast? And who can possibly tell that! Will it go on slowly ravaging my abdominal area, so that I become incontinent and need constant care you can’t give me, or will it hop to somewhere else and then be quite quick. Like Dominique’s Mum, or Rudi, for eg, who was only in hospital for a week or so and in no pain? I suppose at some point in the not too distant future Neethling will finally say there’s nothing more he can do. What is Neethling’s role at that point? Does he see me to the end or does my GP (i.e.

I remember picking up Blake's Auguries of Innocence and reading it to her last year, both of us hoping for a bit of comfort and enlightenment. It started very well "To see a World in a Grain of Sand And a Heaven in a Wild Flower, Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand And Eternity in an hour." But mom was an atheist and a feminist, and so when we hit these lines: "The Bat that flits at close of Eve Has left the Brain that won't believe. The Owl that calls upon the Night Speaks the Unbeliever's fright." "He who mocks the Infant's Faith Shall be mock'd in Age & Death. He who shall teach the Child to Doubt The rotting Grave shall ne'er get out." He just sounds intolerant and aggressive. And then these lines: "The Harlot's cry from Street to Street Shall weave Old England's winding Sheet. The Winner's Shout, the Loser's Curse, Dance before dead England's Hearse." And by the end of the poem, we both end