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From Evechen: Johannesburg, 21st June, 1963

[Reading this letter that Mom wrote to her parents a month after getting out of jail is upsetting. Poor Mom. What on Earth is she apologising for? How absolutely insensitive of Grandpa (and Granny?) to have a go at her when she was so vulnerable.]


21st-6-1963

Darling Mom and Dad,

Darlings, Aunty has gown me the letter where you wrote so angrily about me. I agree I have not written enough, but I have written three times since I got out of jail. One I sent three weeks ago, one seven days ago, and I can only say, if you have not received them them, that my mail must have been stopped and that they might come later, or even not at all.

I sent all letter cards with my name at the back, that might have been the trouble. In the second letter I told you that the money you sent us was used for a wonderful 4 days with the children in the game reserve, and if you do not get it then I thank you again very, very much, and believe me I really am sorry! I also told you that I have had a bladder infection and was in bed for several days with that and flue. The infection has cleared up.

In the last letter I told you that I was again in bed for a few days, this time with a sinus infection and at the same time, Philly had an ear infection. We are both much better, but I still have to see the doctor about another complaint and I think I may have a curette [?].

I told you also also that I had received that beautiful skirt and the underwear and bag from Mom, with all the beautiful things for the children. Thank you darlings, I am really grateful not hard and ungrateful and unfeeling.

I did not write for 3 weeks after I came out, because of my first illness, the holiday and general re-adjustment, but I promise you that I have written twice since then, and this is not an excuse or lie. I am writing this at Aunties, and she will address it to make sure that you receive it. Several of the letters I received from you before I went to jail were opened before I got them. In those days it was still illegal to open letters and they had stamped on them: "Opened in error".

Please don't be angry with me. I have not written as often as I should have, and I may have sounded cold and unfeeling because, at the moment, I am rather unhappy. It is wonderful to be with the family again but the atmosphere here is so ugly. So many of my friends are in jail for years and years, I can no longer do anything and the future is horribly uncertain.

Tony and I have decided, definitely, to leave the country and between illnesses I have been looking for jobs which are hard to find. We must save money drastically to get out before anything happens, and I must start working immediately. I went to the French consul to enquire about claiming French Nationality, but was told that I should have done this before I turned 21. The possibilities of a passport are therefore slim, but the government is granting exit permits with alacrity, so it will only mean that we will probably be stateless when we leave the country.

Darlings, I don't ask for your sympathy. It would be a cheek, and believe me I understand and am deeply sorry I have caused you worry and trouble. Please forgive me. I may not have given you reason to think it, but I love you and miss you so very much. Please don't be angry with me, forgive me for treating you badly. I hope you do get my letters and that you see that I am not a bastard. I really have written, please believe me.

The children are fine except for runny noses. I am doctoring Andy up, he is still too thin for my liking. Tony and I are fixing up the flat for when you come so that you do not think we are living in a pig stye. We wallpapered the boys' room and are painting the bathroom, which is very shabby. Before I left I covered the bench, but it is already filthy from the children. We have had the carpet dry cleaned, I hope it is still clean when you come!

Tony has been elected Vice Chairman of Frankenwald, and is also very busy with sabotage cases in the supreme court. His scoop on Loballo has had many repercussions, including a whole page with a picture of him in the "Landstem" - unfortunately he has also been told that he may be subpoenaed to give evidence for the state against the Reverend Blaxall, a rather unhappy position to be in.

Once again, please forgive me. I am really sorry. I only hope you have got the letters by now. Excuse the pencil. Aunty has no pen in the house. Darlings, keep well and don't think too badly of me. I really am such a pig, though I have not treated you well.

All my love, believe me.

Your
Evechen

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