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New Malden Expresso

"You 'af to cheer the people ap."
















Photo by Fred Dawson: New Malden Station at 6.30am

[Note: This is made up. It didn't actually happen.]


Sound of a loud wolf whistle... the rumble of a distant train.

In the background: "Ciao bella. Ciao beautiful."


Marco: - "Hello."

Christian O'Connell: - You are listening to Absolute Radio with Christian O'Connell. It's 6:45 on this dark winter morning in London, but now let's go over to Marco in New Malden, who has some good advice for you. Hello Marco. You wanted to say something on our programme about having a positive attitude?"

Marco: - "Yes, I am Marco. I am phoning to talk about life. It is beautiful. You sound so depressed sometimes on your show. You should cheer up, mate. Like me.

In the background: - "That’s a two pounds please."

Marco: - "Yes, you ‘af to cheer the people ap."

Christian O'Connell: - "And how do you go about cheering someone up, then?"
Marco: - "I say nice things to them."

In the background: -"Ciao bellisima,  followed by a more muted 'Good morning sir.'

Marco: - "Yes, I always try to make people feel 'appy in the morning."

In the background: - "What’s that?... No sir I was just saying she is beautiful... To cheer her up, y'know, Sir.....

What?...I would love to 'ave a beautiful woman like her as my girlfriend. You should be proud. "

Marco: - "So that’s why I am calling your show, but sometimes customers can be be very difficult. This man, for example, he is looking at me in such a bad way."

In the background: - "Ciao bellisima. Beautiful. 'Ere's your change. 'Ave a lovely day."

Marco: - "I try to make people smile. Sometimes everybody just complains on your programme. That's very wrong."

In the background: - "What do you say? ... If you want to talk to me. I am 'appy to talk to you." , "Why you say to me again?... It’s a beautiful day. What's the matter with you?


Christian O'Connell: - "Marco?"

In the background: - "Yes, yes I come out to talk to you if you like. What you want to say to me? Who you think you are. ?"

Sounds of muffled shouting. Thudding.

In the background: the tannoy announces: "The approaching train is not stopping at this station. Please stand well back from the platform edge."

More shouts. A woman's screams are drowned out by the sound of the express train rushing past.

Christian O'Connell: Marco, Marco?... - "Well I'm a fraid I think we've lost Marco. I hope he's alright.

Marco: (breathlessly) - "I am sorry, there's been a terrible accident. A man just fall in front of a train, I 'af to go now..."But please, remember. Cheer the people ap, OK?"



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